The World Spins Madly - A Lesson in the Meaning of Empathy and Pain as a Writer

It's been a whirlwind of a year. I graduated from UC Santa Barbara in March, and just received my diploma in the mail yesterday!

In the last six months I have experienced some terrible personal losses that sent my life spinning. This is terribly unusual for someone who has been working since age 13 and always, always had a concrete Life Plan ahead of me. Due to many strange circumstances beyond my control, I am perhaps experiencing true Young Adult Life for the first time. It's terrifying. It's fun.

Most importantly, it's a time in my life that will shape the writer I become. It's important to remember that whether or not you believe in God, fate, or sweet serendipity, this life is going to pick you up and drag you somewhere you never expected. You might not enjoy the ride, but you might be surprised to find how resilient you can be. I have experienced great pain and love and joy and horror since December, and I can honestly say that I will become a better writer for it. The ability to deeply experience these strange and very human emotions is what makes me a good artist - or at least a very passionate one!

I think it is because of my dedication to being a writer that I am able to see purpose and meaning in the good and bad in my life right now. I will continue to experience the extremes life brings me because I believe that feeling my emotions honestly, no matter how painful, allows me to better empathize with others. And what is a writer without empathy?

I promise to you, dear reader and friend, that the pain I experience is worth it because it will bring me closer to understanding you. And I want to understand everything I can about you because sometimes you are also broken or hopeful or brave or scared and you are always, always beautiful and loved.

Why I Write

Are you still alive? Are you sure? Sit back and shut your eyes. You’re breathing, aren’t you? But are you still alive?

Some stories thread your life together. I hope you have a few. I do. Because these are the things that separate us—the dead and the living. The feelings. The stories. The memories of touch, taste, smell. A man I met only once, but remember every day.

Some memories are bound to stick. Moments seep in, tell you to change, and for once in your life you listen —really listen. You aren't waiting for your turn to speak.

Tattoo these on your body and soul. Someone will ask. Someone will listen.

Other memories seem fleeting at the time.

The first time you touched his hand. Eating croissants in your mother’s bed when you were sick. Driving your first car to a football game in the snow. The smell of grandmother’s black coffee spilled on the carpet.

Things that make you inexplicably sad and happy and beautiful all at once.

Remember these things most of all. If you remember them, you can create them again.

Why do we put ourselves through this? Remembering things that hurt—the last time you ever kissed, your favorite band’s break-up, where you stood when you answered the phone call that sent your world numb?

But I ask again, remember these most of all. If you remember them, you can create them again. And if you create them, you will feel again.

You will be alive—sad and happy and beautiful all at once.

If you are too afraid, too tired, too defeated to accept living, know this. If you remember, you can create.

If you create, you can bring others to life with you.

This is why we are artists. This is why we are alive.

Coming Soon: The Lazarus Serum Paperback Edition

A few weeks back I had a poll on my website and my Facebook page on whether my readers would prefer a paperback or ebook version of my newest book, The Lazarus Serum.
Well, the results are in!
It looks like I'll have my work cut out for me the next few weeks as I format The Lazarus Serum for paperback publishing! The novel will be approximately 300 pages long, and it should be available before Christmastime. In the meanwhile, the digital version is already for sale here. Publishing a physical version of this book is going to be a long and expensive process, but I really do believe that this is the best thing I've ever written and I want the chance to share it with anyone who is interested in reading it. This story is worth the work.

On a similar note, I've taken a lot of time to think about my future recently. As an English major at a large university, I often worry that I'll get lost in the crowd and pressured to take classes that won't really help me grow as a writer. But I'm ready to cast my back-up career aside, because writing is honestly what I want to do. It's what I've always wanted to do.
Sometimes it's hard to let go of your back-up plan and commit 100% to your dream because there are so many "what-ifs". What if I don't succeed? How will I make enough money to support myself? What if my dream gets contorted along the way, or I change my mind? These are a few of the questions I've found myself pondering, and it's something all of us go through at some point in our lives.
In all honesty, I just had cold feet.
I've been scared because I've come so far in such a short time, and soon I won't have a lot of other options. Once I truly commit to writing, I won't be looking for anything else. All of my other possible futures will fade into the backdrop and eventually melt away. It's sort of like getting married, I guess. But when I set time aside to seriously consider my options, I realized that I do know what I want. And I want this. I want to write, to be a writer, even if I have to take out student loans and work multiple jobs to do it.
So I made the commitment. I switched out of my massive English major into the smaller college on the same campus--into a Literature major with less than a hundred students. Now I'll be primarily taking courses on reading and writing, I'll be in more discussion-based classes, and I get 24 hour access to a typewriter!
I applied, crossed my fingers, and I made the cut. Next quarter I'll be a Literature student taking classes on how to write for modern media and how to read like a writer! I feel very blessed to have this chance to work with other like-minded students who understand what it means to pursue literature as a career.
I'm ready to cast my doubt aside and focus all of my time, energy, and heart on my dream--are you?
~Fallon Jones